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Sure, problems with substance abuse and gambling can crop up unexpectedly in a marriage, as we sometimes see when new casinos come to town.But all too often, the signs of potential problems with alcoholism or addiction were there along, but were willfully not talked about or even acknowledged — perhaps out of fear or denial.If each of you vaguely imagines having two children, that might sound like you're perfectly compatible on that score.But what if after one child, one of you absolutely wants to stop?Often, in the throes of passionate romantic love, it is hard to envision that the daily, unromantic grind ("Why do you always use up the last of the coffee without letting me know? But take it from a therapist who is privy to people's relationship misery: It most certainly can.Below are some issues that you may not have thought about, but you must, before committing to someone. After all, love itself (and even commitment) can provide motivation to work through virtually anything.
This makes the early romance sweeter, of course, but it denies us a glimpse into who they are when they're under pressure.In my years as a psychologist and advice columnist, I've seen a lot of individuals in unhappy marriages.In some of these cases, there are particular crises that have led to the strains: the loss of a loved one, difficulties with child-rearing, unexpected health problems or financial setbacks.Maybe his spontaneity is exciting, since you tend to live by an itinerary.Maybe her willingness to ditch responsibilities for a mental health day is refreshing, when you've typically worked even when you have the flu.